Traci

by Traci
(Oakland County, Mi USA)

Hello. My name is Traci and I am an addict. I'd like to share a little at a time of my story because it seems to be so complicated.

I started with alcohol around age 14, and of course cigarettes seemed to go along. Through my teens my alcohol use became obsessive almost. I couldn't go anywhere unless there was gonna be alcohol or I could get drunk beforehand.

I used acid, pot, and mushrooms here and there too. At first I thought I found the answer to my shyness. I wasn't shy if I was drinking! It eventually got out of control like everything always does and I hit rock bottom.

2 dui's in 3-years. Lots of trouble and financial problems. I just became more and more depressed and was sinking into the dark confusing world of depression not really realizing it at the time. I slowly became less and less caring of a person about myself, and my goals and dreams. I had given up. I was a loser and that was it.

To make a long story short I quit drinking but found a whole new world of opiates. That was my new answer. I could do and take anything if I was high on opiates! Of course that progressed into Oxycontin, crack, cocaine, and eventually heroin.

I never in my life thought I would be shooting heroin in my arms!!! How low I had become I would think, and that would depress me even more, then I'd get high and it wouldn't hurt when I was high.

I was superwoman. After a vicious circle of chasing my high, I started to get tired of being sick and tired!! I was at bottom again, but this time it was way more scarier!! I had a lot more at stake then when I was younger and I was overwhelmed!

What was I gonna do? 2 kids, a marriage, jobs, house, husband, etc. Again to make a long story short, I found out about methadone. It sounded perfect at the time. I have been on methadone now for 3 years and it has changed my life for the better.

Physically, spiritually, and mentally. It helped me see the real story of life and where I was headed. I am so very grateful for the methadone treatment because I don't think I could make it without it at the time. Being on methadone helped me realize my number 1 problem wasn't addiction, but depression.

Now that I have somewhat got control on the addiction, I'm able to work on the depression and I think they go hand in hand. Its opened my eyes to help me understand why I have the feelings I do and want to use.

I know my story kinda jumps around, but there is so much I have to say it's hard to know where to start! Feel free to ask or chat with me about any situations we may have in common or just to have somebody to talk to who may have things in common and won't judge.

If anyone wants to know more cause there is a lot more to my story go ahead and ask, I don't mind. It's good to talk about it and I also love hearing other peoples stories, so feel free to let me know if you have a story I can read.

I think it is very interesting to listen to others with addictions in common. Thanks

Have a productive day!!