My son's addiction

I look back and ask myself, "could I have been a better mom, could I have done something different. I have failed as a mother and a protector.

I have made many mistakes raising my two children. I now look at my son and ask myself "what have you done?" What can I do now to help repair any damage I may have done to cause my son such pain and suffering. I guess every parent blames themselves for how their children turn out.

I want you to know that i have been there for my son, I have done anything to help him, but now I think it was all enabling.

After years with a crack cocaine addiction, I have seen my son sleeping in the woods, stealing from me and others, getting arrested for robbery, I guess everything imaginable an addict would do for drugs.

I have banged on crack houses, I have reported him missing with the FBI, I have bailed him out of every trouble thing he has been in.

Today, he is in jail, has been in there for almost a year still awaiting trial for a murder he was involved in. He is a witness to the crime but has been charged with "after the fact" because he was forced to clean up blood.


I feel so helpless. I want to help him, but in the next breath i am afraid he will go back to drugs; even though he says he won't. My son, not the addict, is a wonderful, kind hearted person.

He would give you his last dime, he would walk miles for you if you needed his help. I want that person back. I miss my son.

I know I have no control of what he will choose to do in his life, but I want to help lead him in the right direction. It is a daily struggle not only for my addict son, but for me as well.