Are You An Addiction Enabler?

Denying a person you love a request for money isn't easy, even if you know he or she will use it to buy drugs or alcohol. By learning how to say no, you are doing your part to help them face their addiction.

After the tragic death of singer-songwriter Amy Winehouse, many people are asking: Could her death have been avoided? Could the people closest to her have stepped in to save her life?

According to relationship expert Bree Maresca-Kramer in a Huffington Post article, if you listen to the lyrics of Winehouse's hit song "Rehab," it sounds as if friends and family did urge her to get help.

And if someone you love has an addiction problem, there are steps you can take to help.

When you have a friend or family member who has an addiction, you may find that you have to practice "tough love." This means that when you are asked for money that could very well go toward buying drugs or alcohol, you will have to say no.

Since you care for your loved one, you may be tempted to agree to the request. But the best thing you can do is stand strong, remember that this person needs your help to get better, and all you have to do is simply say "No."

Addiction: Are You an Enabler?

Don't feel guilty, because you are doing them good by saying no. It doesn't mean that they are going to say 'thank you,' though.

While you may not be able to control all the external factors that afford your loved one access to drugs or alcohol, you can certainly control your role in the process.

Think about the things that you do for your loved one with the addiction. Do you...

• Provide money that may be helping fund their substance abuse?
• Allow the addict to come back and live with you even though he or she isn't complying with addiction treatment?
• Cover for him or her when they miss work or school?
• Provide transportation to places where they may be engaging in substance abuse?
• Continue to help with legal troubles related to the addiction?
• Keep quiet when the person is disruptive or abusive?

Enablers are not just family members. They can be neighbors, teachers, co-workers, even therapists. Enablers aren’t protecting the addict from harm; they are actually contributing to the addiction.

Addiction: Stopping the Enabler Cycle

Once you realize that you might be enabling your loved one's addiction, it’s time to put your foot down.

Try taking these steps:

Talk about it. Instead of just saying no, discuss why you don't want to provide the money or do other favors. "Say, 'We've got to do something about this," Talk about your specific concerns.

Stay strong. Your loved one may be very persistent about needing money or other assistance from you.

Make a pact with yourself to resist the desire to “help.” Set limits. Use saying "no" as an opportunity to set limits and steer your loved one toward getting help for the addiction.

By withholding money, transportation, or other favors until your loved one seeks help, you are doing your part to help fix the problem.

You may very well feel guilty when you say "no" because you care for the person deeply and only want to help.

But remember that by saying no, you are doing the best thing you can to help your loved one accept the negative consequences of addiction, which is an important step toward recovery.

Addiction Recovery Resources

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Talk soon...

Bob and Shelley
Founders/Recovery Network

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Email: robert@recoverynetwork.info

Website: www.drug-alcohol-addiction-recovery.com