What Is Codependency?

Co-dependency is living the myth that we can make ourselves happy by trying to control people and events outside ourselves. Put another way, co-dependency may be broadly defined as "an addiction to people, behaviors, or things."

A sense of control, or lack of it, is central to everything a co-dependent does and thinks.

Co-dependency is an epidemic. Roughly 100 million Americans suffer the effects of codependency today. We can gain better insight into how co-dependency operates in our lives by examining the trait of co-dependent individuals.

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

It is also known as "relationship addiction" because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

Who Does Codependency Affect?

Co-dependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence.

Originally, co-dependent was a term used to describe partners in chemical dependency, persons living with, or in a relationship with an addicted person. Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals.

Today, however, the term has broadened to describe any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family.

What Is A Dysfunctional Family And How Does It Lead To Codependency?

A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied.

Underlying problems may include any of the following:

• An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling.

• The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.

• The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.”

Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine - and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.

They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the care-taking becomes compulsive and defeating.

Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become "benefactors" to an individual in need.

A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.

The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy care-taking of the "benefactor."

As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from "being needed." When the care-taking becomes compulsive, the codependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it.

Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.

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• Co-dependents typically have very low self-esteem.
• Co-dependents typically feel that their happiness hinges on the behavior of others.
• Co-dependents feel inordinately responsible for others.
• Co-dependent’s relationships with spouses or significant other persons are marred by a damaging, unstable imbalance between dependence and independence.
• Co-dependents are masters of denial and repression.
• Co-dependents worry about things they can’t change and often keep struggling to change them.
• Co-dependents are continually looking for the missing ingredient in life.
• How is Codependency Treated?

The ebook also goes deeper into treatment options including education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns.

Overcoming Codependency

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If you are codependent, then you have an addiction. It may not involve alcohol or drugs, but you are addicted to something.

If the addictive agent in your life is an unhealthy relationship, you must build clear, healthy boundaries in that relationship.

Keep Coming Back!

Robert and Shelley
Founders/Recovery Network

BLOG: http://recoverynetwork.wordpress.com/

Email: robert@recoverynetwork.info

Website: www.drug-alcohol-addiction-recovery.com